random thoughts

I’m not really 30 yet … not for another 27 days, that is! Is it obvious that the thought of being 30 consumes me? ;=)

My friend once told me on my 20th birthday … the first decade is lived for you … the second decade is spent learning, discovering, exploring … the third decade is when you apply those learnings and those discoveries … hmmm … what about the fourth decade??!

I keep on thinking what to do on my 30th birthday exactly … I have a friend once who went to a studio and had his portrait photograph taken! (hehe … if you’re reading this … you know who you are! … never got the chance to see that photo, BTW! ;=) hmmm … should I do that? To freeze in time that ‘historic’ moment when I ceased to be categorized as 20-something? Or maybe I can do something totally out of character … maybe I can get drunk! Hmmm … I have 26 days to figure it out! ;=)

Actually, despite appearances … I’m really looking forward to being 30! Maybe it’s the change I’m looking for to give my life a fresh new boost! I’ve been lagging lately … my life has settled in a near comfortable pace (read: boring)! It has become so routinary and predictable that I have to scare myself from time to time to give it a new twist! ;=) I need an outside push … that external force to dislodge me from this inertial pace my life seems to have taken these last few weeks (er … months … years!!!) hmmm … maybe this is what I’ve been waiting for … or maybe I shouldn’t be waiting at all … or maybe being 30 is just that … aging … adding another year … not some made-up super milestone in my life I am making it out to be … or maybe I should be working and finishing my yield report rather than mulling over being 30 as if I can stop it from happening …

My car loan is on sign loop … and got two signatures already – three more to go!!! ;=) After a month-long wait … I can see the end of my car-less struggle! Hmmm … it doesn’t normally take a month … but the fickle-minded, indecisive and perfectionist person that I am … I decided to explore my options! It’s funny because I really don’t have a lot — with a very limited budget and all! ;=)

But it was fun … car shopping! Never in my wildest dreams did i think that someday I will actually be lining up in a car dealership to pick out my brand-new car! Hmmm … or maybe I just didn’t dream in those gritty details! My dreams were the ‘basic’ (and vague) ones … you know … comfortable life, secured future, etc. I’ve never broken down my dreams into what house and car to buy (what model, what make, what color!!! :=)

I decided on a silver Toyota Vios — true, it’s not a Ferrari or BMW or even a high-end Honda – but it’s mine and it’s my first brand new car! ;=) It was more of a process of elimination actually … not really that of love at first sight! I only have Php200K to spend (Php500K will be coming from the loan), I have few days before EVAT might be signed into a law which will make me pay 6% more of what I will be paying pre-EVAT and the worst reason why I chose Toyota Vios … Toyota Dasmarinas Cavite is the nearest car dealer in Intel!!! ;=) True, Vios is by far one of the most fuel-efficient cars out there … and the high end 1.5G is the best value for money I can find (and the fact that Britney Spears was the model when it was launched didn’t hurt either … ) but still … my reason for finally deciding on it were, to say the least, trivial! Even the color, I decided on deduction … eventually my deciding factor was practicality and functionality! – Silver, based on statistics has the highest safety rating! — ;=) And then it hit me … am I going through life making choices based on process of elimination? Am I living my life based on what I don’t want rather than what I want? Have I ever made a decision because I’m passionate about it even if it defies logic and basic reason? Have I been living my life in the boundaries of safety and practicality? Hmmm … scary thoughts! ;=)

The past month has been a series of defining moments for me! Having my heart broken (over and over again, if I may add – the succeeding heartbreaks were self-induced, BTW! ;=) has made me think about who I really am! And what I’m really made of! And what I really want! And what my deepest passion is! Ahhh … it’s still a work in progress! ;=)

People say that life’s bad experiences makes one a better person … I tend to agree with them! I hope it was not for nothing …