random thoughts

I got a forwarded email from a friend today about being broken hearted! Her opening line says … “I know you’re not heart broken anymore but it’s a nice read!” … I responded to her that I am still broken hearted since no one new has come yet to make it whole again!!! ;=) hahaha mushy!!! And indeed it was … a nice read, I mean … but it got me thinking whether I am in fact … not broken hearted anymore!

Hmmm … I guess, in all honesty and without hypocrisy, I can say that I’m over him … maybe not totally the heartbreak … but I forgave myself already … that whatever happened in the past, despite the hurt, was a good learning experience … something that made me a better person! (er … I hope!) The experience didn’t leave me bitter and it didn’t leave me numb! (It didn’t leave me hating the rest of mankind!) If anything, it made me hope more and believe that true love exist … i know it’s somewhere out there (yeah yeah … it’s proving to be very elusive for me … but it’s out there! ;=) hehe … talk about stubborn faith!) and that what I experienced even in that short span of time of being with someone was a prequel of greater and better things to come! Ahhh … i’m still waiting … and hoping … and maybe i will wait forever … maybe not … maybe i will meet someone in the next few minutes … or the next 10 years … maybe i won’t meet anyone at all … or maybe i already met him … but he’s just too damn stupid (or distracted? … or busy? … or …;=)to notice! hint! hint! haha ;=) i digress … ;=)

so is my heart still broken? i think not … it’ll probably be permanently scarred in some places and will never be flawlessly whole;=) … but it’s getting there … and when the right time (and right person!) comes … it will be ready to love again! ;=)

you’re probably not liking me right now!!! ;=) since i flooded your inbox with friendster alerts!!! ;=) hehe

i edited and edited since friendster kept on printing the blog in big fonts — i hate big fonts! i’m a fan of really cute fonts and it makes me crazy how friendster insisted on having it in glaring big fonts!!!

anywho … after several attempts (and several friendster alerts!) … it printed it in nice Trebuchet MS size 9 font! ;=)  OC at its finest!!! ;=)

I’ve been meaning to write for the last few weeks about so many things that’s been happening to me … but I just didn’t have the time lately … actually, even until now! (is it obvious?! ;=) I’m just so swamped with work … I’m doing so many things!!! (and I’m not really properly compensated!!! ;=) oh … I just got ‘promoted’ at work … so I’m transitioning out of my current responsibilities and transitioning in to this new job … basically … I’m doing 2 extra jobs!!! On top of what I was doing before!!! My life now has been revolving around two major activities … working and sleeping! … I usually go home really late, 1am on the average! … on the off chance I can go home early … I go straight to bed because I need to come in really early (like 4am!) the next day! … that’s how my life is right now and it sucks!!! … I didn’t enroll in any MBA subjects this term because I just don’t think I’ll be able to do it (and aside from the fact that I didn’t have money for tuition!!!). it really sucks!!! How else can I find a boyfriend with this work schedule? Hmmm … good question! The weird thing is I’ve been asking that same question and I’ve been in the same dilemma for the last nine years! I’m not really a workaholic … (yeah … I’m not! … I’m not … I’m not … okay, maybe a little!) it’s just that nothing better occupies my time so I spend it working (and oh yeah … sleeping!). The problem though is I can’t find anything better to occupy my time (read: boyfriend) because I’ve been working all this time … hmmm … it’s a chicken and egg thing!!! Hmmm … hopefully this blows over once I get settled in my new job! And hopefully I can get to more meaningful activities I’ve been wanting to do and I’ve been mentioning after that! Yeah yeah … it’s all about time management … and it’s all about prioritization … and it’s all about knowing what matters more!

So what matters more really? ;=)