random thoughts

My friends are giving me a hard time with my bold ‘effortless love’ pronouncement … never in the history of my blogging (which is about 10 months now) have I encountered such violent reactions!!! ;=) hehe … hmmm … they’re not really violent … and not all of them (just Van! ;=) hahaha … I think I violated one rule in writing … walk the talk or walk the blog (hmmm … there’s a rule?!! … hehe … if not yet … then I proclaim it! ;=) <it’s been a month since I posted my last blog and actually their (okay, just Van!) reaction was pretty instantaneous … and I’ve been trying to post this retraction blog for the longest time … but just didn’t have the time … and the concentration to write up one!>

Anywho, i digress (er … I always digress! ;=) I think deep down they (okay again … just Van!) knew that I don’t really believe in it! Not for one second! And I tend to agree! Maybe ‘effortless’ is not the apt word for it … hmmm … fatalistic? Nah … it’s not that as well … maybe I’m just seeing things in rose-colored glasses and I still believe in old-fashioned romance! That things happen when you least expect it! That love moves in mysterious ways and it’s always so surprising (… love can be over the horizon … haha corny! ;=) but yeah, I believe that … and if that means letting fate take over … I’m all for that! I just wish it’s a fool-proof formula … that it’s 100% guaranteed (or with at least 90% confidence level!) But it’s not! I wish it’s just really that … you meet someone, sparks fly, you get together, you date for awhile, you get engaged, get married and live happily ever after! ;=) Yeah right … if it was that simple, then you wouldn’t have dating service left and right … and there wouldn’t be any “how to find mr. right” books (and its thousand different variations that made self-help book writing a very profitable profession) … and I wouldn’t be writing all these crappy, sappy ramblings of a love-deprived 30-something! (hmmm … that was harsh … I’m not deprived … and I’m not yet 30-something! … just 30! Haha as if that made a lot of difference!) ;=)

I’ve always joked around that I’m not a love-at-first-sight-double-take type of girl! I’m more of a get-to-know-me-and-you’ll-love-me-eventually kind of person! I don’t stand out in a crowd (er … I’m short! ;=) hahaha … (and I don’t get picked up in bars!!!) So you see, effortless wouldn’t really work for me! There has to be some effort so ‘you’ll love me eventually’! I cannot just let fate take over! But what do I do exactly? Do I flirt? (I don’t have the body for it! ;=) hehe … Do I project an aura of mystery to get guys wondering what lies beyond the cool exterior? (hmmm … I don’t think mystery suits me! … I’m as transparent as it gets … although … ;=) Do I pretend to be really weak and be your typical damsel-in-distress and make a hero out of the guy I like? (er … how do you do that exactly?!;=) Do I act coolly around guys I like and exude an image of indifference that I couldn’t care less about them and maybe, just maybe … they’ll be challenged by my apparent aloofness? ;=) hehe Or do I just be myself and wait for the guy to see how wonderful (and lovable and smart and charming and … <haha … this is really becoming a personals ad!> I really am? (hmmm … been there, done that … didn’t work!) hehe … haay … this is becoming really hard … I don’t want to solve this new mystery anymore … i have more than enough management science cases and marketing management paper to think about! ;=)

I watched the movie “My Bestfriend’s Wedding” again … probably watched it 100 times already but I don’t care! (I am like that, BTW … I can watch a movie over and over again even back to back and I don’t get tired of it! hmmm … I need to research what personality flaw is that … I’m pretty sure it’s a flaw! ;=) Okay … 100 times maybe an exaggeration: 100*2 hours = 200 hours of my life spent watching a movie about someone who pursued love and didn’t succeed! … who realized way too late that she loved someone … who after years of not admitting or recognizing love for that specific person finally succumbed to it only to be rejected … someone who didn’t seize the moment before … and when she finally did, she got hurt since her feelings were unrequited after all! … sad movie! very sad movie! ;=) (talk about inflicting pain! I’m a masochist!!! ;=) hahaha

So why am I sharing this? It’s not that I can relate to the movie … no … no … of course not! I cannot relate to having jilted before! I cannot relate to having unrequited love before!!! Unrequited what? … see, do not even know the meaning of the word! ;=) hahaha

Who am I kidding?! I’ve had my share of unrequited love! I’ve had my share of ‘loving’ someone from a distance hoping against hope that that person likes –- better yet, loves -– me, too! I’ve had my share of grinning stupidly the whole day like a dumb school girl because my crush (‘LOML’) called me on the phone! ;=) (And I’m not talking of days long gone … more like a not-so-distant-past! ;=) Funny … we always hear the quote “If you love someone, you have to say it, out loud, or the moment just passes you by” (and its many other variation which pretty much means the same thing) … and you begin to wonder whether admitting to someone that you love …er … like … them is really the way to go! Do you say anything? Do you just wait? Okay … maybe not downright confession but more like giving not-so-obvious hints … those read-between-the-lines-super-gray-area-double-meaning messages and hoping that the guy is smart enough to figure it out! ;=) What do you do exactly? My friends always joke around that I have way too many crushes! (ahhh … at my age, it’s not normal! ;=) hahaha another personality flaw! ;=) Many crushes is unrequited love multiplied many times over! ;=) I really don’t act on it … I am contented admiring someone from a distance! If we become friends, well and good! If not, well and good also! I don’t scheme or orchestrate meetings so as to be close to the person … (hmmm … on second thought … I do scheme to some extent … ;=) I don’t go to extra lengths just to be noticed! … I am a believer of fate and destiny and people meeting at God-appointed time! I believe that that special person that comes to our life is a gift and is freely given … not a prize that one has to fight so hard for! I am a firm believer of ‘effortless’ love! That love … if meant to be … will just happen naturally! No interventions … No drastic moves … No well-thoughtout strategy … No modus operandi! Hmmm … strong beliefs! ;=) … now you understand why I’m still single! ;=) hehe Another solved mystery! ;=)