random thoughts

my first entry for the week … funny, when i said i wouldn’t keep up the daily blog streak … i meant it! ;=)

one paragraph updates:

i renewed my CA driver’s license today! i went to DMV after i browsed through the driving handbook … took the test … got 3 mistakes (i am allowed 3 mistakes!) out of 18 questions … passed it!  haha — another barely passing score like my actual driving test score back in 1999 of 70% … passing was 70%! Had the examiner asked me to parallel park, i would have failed …  good thing, he only asked me to do diagonal parking! (Yeah, thank God for big parking spaces! ;=) anywho, i really don’t need to renew my license since i will only be here for 3 months … er … it’s a good souvenir! ;=)

another major accomplishment … hmmm … no, i didn’t meet a guy yet! ;=) … my unread emails in my work inbox is down to <200 emails! i am in the 100s! hehe it has always been in the high 600s and about ~60% unread percentage … with unread email backlog to around one week!;=)  nerdy i know … but i’ve been pretty obsessed lately about reading all my emails! well, i have to since they’re work emails … but i just didn’t have the time before! i’ve been shuffling from one meeting to the next that the day pass and all i did were attend meetings! i can do my ‘actual’ work after 4pm … readings emails, i have to do at night … or on weekends! yeah, exciting life huh! here … i have pretty lazy mornings since i really don’t have a lot of morning meetings … (hope it stays that way!) … so i get to read — and respond! to emails!

i’m becoming a reality TV junkie and one of the shows i watch is America’s Biggest Looser! it’s inspiring how each of the contestants lost all those lbs! hmmm … they don’t really have their normal life routines and all they do in that ranch was exercise … i wouldn’t be surprised why they lose that much in a week … but that’s not the point! their perseverance and determination was really inspiring! and the transformation — amazing! well, i really don’t need to lose 100lbs — that’s pretty much 85% me already … i only need to lose 30lbs! … so compared to their 100s … mine is easy! hmmm … yeah right! ;=)

i had several interesting conversation with old friends and former colleagues over the last few days … interesting how they took charge and directed the course of their life! i felt so incompetent and direction-less compared to them! and i used to pride myself of being introspective, reflective, purposeful … those words took on a different meaning with them! they knew what they wanted … and they have a grand plan … and they went for it! nice! … me, i am living my life one year at a time … no big plans really … which basically puts me in my good old dilemma again about living for the present and not be anxious about the future … vs. planning the future and not living so much at the present … i still have to process these thoughts thoroughly … but i think there’s really no conflict … i guess it’s in one’s attitude … planning for the future is not necessarily synonymous to being anxious! yeah … that’s it! hmmm … i have to make that life plan! ;=)

that’s it for now … it’s almost midnight … have to sleep now as i still have to wake up early … and drag myself to the gym! ;=) … 30lbs! ;=)

haay … i started writing a blog about the merits of being in a relationship and about how it’s a blessing and how only few ‘blessed and lucky’ people experience real love in their lifetime … yeah … i was starting to write and i decided to erase the whole thing! ;=) who am i really to talk about the merits of a committed relationship … having been in only one so far … and a short one at that! ;=) yeah … not my turf! (so let’s talk about the israeli-lebanon war! ;=) hehe

i was into the topic after catching the season finale of grey’s! … actually, i only got to watch the last 30mins of the 2-hr season finale episode! … (i needed to go to meetings … and was resigned already that i will miss the whole thing … good thing we wrapped up early! ;=) (with a lot of effort from me to get the bottomline across, move on … and adjourn it! ;=) hehe) … anyways … i got to the dramatic last few scenes … and witty last few lines … i haven’t watched the last two or so episodes so i don’t really know what happened up until that point … but i don’t really care — last 30mins was good enough for me! … and the last few lines i saw was enough to affect me! ;=) … hehe really long explanation as to why i was feeling rather sad … pensive … wistful … of my romantic state … and well, romance/relationships in general! ;=) oh well … i used to indulge in my sadness, i.e. i go through it with perfect clarity that i am choosing to be sad … (hehe … told you i was weird … though Dr. Daniel Goleman will call it someone with high emotional intelligence!) … but i think this is not really a good time to do that! ;=) yeah … i’m not about to play vonda shephard’s version of ‘alone again naturally’ …  hmmm … maybe tomorrow! ;=)

hmmm … my life is settling to a routine pace again … i set the alarm to 7am … snooze until 8am …finally wake up by 830am … in the office by 9am! (hmmm … we go to work by 8am! ;=) — there’s something inherently wrong with my schedule! ;=) hehe … well, working on it! ;=) — i don’t have a lot of morning meetings anymore … i have a lot of night meetings! my day officially ends by 7pm … and i have to attend night meetings around 10pm which usually lasts until 12mn — not a very nice schedule especially if i need to go somewhere at night! i planned on attending yoga lessons while i am here … and my counterpart here invited me to a salsa class! i also hooked up with old SFC friends and they invited me to some SFC activities which typically happens on a weeknight as well! haay … i used to talk about not having a life … i think my Cavite life was even better than this! … the only good thing that’s working out was this fits nicely to my internal body clock — i am so not a morning person (though i want to be … but some things are just not meant to be! … hmmm … i am talking about body clocks, not something else! ;=) hehe and it is a struggle to wake up at 545am everyday! … which i have to do every single weekday in Cavite! — yeah … this may be the only good thing out of this! ;=)

what else was exciting about this week? oh … i met up with an old israeli colleague who’s here on a business trip! really nice timing and i didn’t know he will be in town when i chatted with him on IM last week … as it turns out he will be here for three days and was arriving the next week — this week! so that really worked out! i invited him out for dinner (yeah … i am really getting good at inviting guys — NOT! ;=) … we had a really good … er nerdy … time! well, we were in a nice bar/resto serving their own brewed beer … and i had a nice pasta meal … and we were talking about converged core … and the lebanon war and how his unit in the army during the war was in the israeli-lebanon border shooting missiles … we talked about the conflict in gaza strip! ;=) see really fun, educational dinner! ;=) i even went home with a table napkin with a drawing of the israel map, its territories and its neighboring Arab countries! ;=) hehe well … we did talk about those … but there were a lot other more persnal topics we talked about as well! ;=) it was good catching up after three years! ;=)

… and not only him … this coming weekend, am meeting up with an old DLSU/Intel friend … i don’t know how to describe Bong … because technically he’s more than that … he’s such a huge influence in my life even until now … so to put him categorically as DLSU/Intel friend is understating our half-a-lifetime friendship! (yeah, met him when i was 15 yrs old — when i was a college freshman!) he’s in town visiting his mom … good timing as well! ;=) and last but definitely not the least … am meeting my old (one of the best i ever had!) boss from Penang from my SJ days in the Bay Area on Sunday … he’s also here in Cali for a business trip! haay … if at all … if i won’t have a chance to really lose the weight i want to lose … and if i won’t have a chance to do all the activities i lined up to do … i will remember this trip as a trip that i went back in time and touched base with old, dear friends! … yeah … that’s good enough for me! (haha! i accomplished so much already on my first week! … i think i set my expectations too low! ;=) hehe hmmm, well … am not giving up yet on losing weight … well, not yet! ;=)

Hmmm … i figured out today why i am ‘compelled’ to write all these blogs. Yup, suddenly i was a blog addict, well … only for last week anyways  … which i am not! I figured, i wanted my friends in the Philippines (well, it’s not really a private blog … so, i guess that includes everyone else who had internet access!) to know what’s going on with me (hmmm … not that they care, right? ;=) … and i wanted to document my stay here in FM and what better way to do that than do an online journal! … and i was used to doing the same things in the Philippines … and i pretty much spend it with very few the same people everyday (like Van and the rest of the Gov crew … ;=) … so there’s really no point recounting what happened since they were there with me when it happened! For the longest time, i only write blogs when there’s a sudden inspiration … which seldom happens … thus the sporadic, once-a-month blogs! ;=) Well, this time (i am always inspired … NOT! ;=) … i am alone and enjoying things pretty much by myself … so i took it upon myself to update everyone! ;=) hehe (hmmm … actually, this is my outlet … i am a talkative loner (oxymoron!) … so since there’s really no one to talk to … and i dare not do a 2-way conversation with myself yet … this is my release! ;=) anyways … those are the reasons for the daily blogs (haha … i had to explain myself!) … and again … it will wear out … give it a week … don’t worry! ;=) hehe

anywho, short update on my weekend: i attended my friend’s (okay, her name is Krizel ;=) ) bridal shower yesterday in San Jose … it was a real blessing to actually be here for her wedding (and, well … the bridal shower!) … been planning since last year how i can be here for her wedding with the least amount of cost — i got my answered prayer –  i got to go for free! (yeah … i can be spoiled by God from time to time! ;=)  … well, except for the gas money for the 166mi trip from Folsom to San Jose and back … and well, except for the money for my gift … ) everything else worked out for free! ;=) the bridal shower was really fun! i was able to meet up with old SFC friends and then met some new friends as well … the food was good! the (writing) wedding games were really interesting … though i didn’t win any prize … (ahhh … i had a 4-year friendship gap with Krizel … it was a sporadic-email-based friendship so there was really not much i know about her and her fiance for those last 4 years! ;=) … we did some videoke with some really sad and pitiful songs! … the party lasted til 2am! … it was some bridal shower! ;=)    

(me, yvette, kristine, krizel - the bride! -, leslie lyle, shar, leslie)

the weekend was a real trip down memory lane for me … well, it was not as bad as back in 2003 when i even went to my old apartment … and not just the apartment complex … but my actual apartment unit! … (ahhh … back then, i even went the same route i used when i was living there!) … i didn’t do that this time … not because i didn’t want to but because i didn’t really have time … it will be a 2-hr trip back and it was already getting late! the only extra time i had … i went to Our Lady of Peace shrine …  and i drove by Mission College Blvd where Intel headquarters is located … and i did went to Union Landing to buy Krispy Kreme! … (i wanted to buy chicken joy from Jollibee in Union Landing … but i am not really craving for Jollibee yet … being that it’s not even a week since i left Philippines! ;=) hmmm … it was a weird feeling (ahh … i am weird! ;=) … i was so touched being back there! … i think i even cried a tear or two! ;=) hehe

oh well … really interesting weekend! ;=) more to come …

              Hmmm … i’ve been meaning to tell you something … for a while now in fact! but i just didn’t have the guts to say it! I was hoping i won’t have to tell you … i was hoping you will feel it and probably do something — subtle hints, right? — but since many days … ah, weeks … passed … and you haven’t really said anything and you still go with your ‘casual’ ways … is really convincing me that this is a lost cause … you’re a lost cause! … and like a true greg behrendt disciple that i am … i get the message … loud and clear! ;=) i should throw in the towel and give a good fold … ahhh … this is my good fold!

              You asked me twice before, rather offhandedly, who the number 1 was … and i think i didn’t give you a straight answer … I totally evaded the question … and thank God for the darkness … it didn’t show whether i was fumbling or blushing … (ahhh … i don’t know if i was capable of blushing … ;=) … and you were dropping guys’ names asking me if i had a crush on them … and i answered your questions … every single one of them … but you forgot one guy … you forgot you! It’s you! You’re it! You’re #1! I actually don’t know if you were just dense or just playing stupid … but you had all the hints! i guess not doing anything is a sign of disinterest … and again … i get the picture! ;=) hmmm … on second thought, maybe i didn’t give the hints right … but no time to recoup that now! ;=) hehe

              well … that wasn’t so hard! … all those days … ah, weeks … of analyzing and wondering … it wasn’t so hard! … of course, writing them down wasn’t … but since you’re reading this … (ah, hopefully, you are in fact reading this …) i passed the last hurdle … of actually posting it! ;=) This is by far the most unconservative thing i did in all of my 31 years in this planet! The closest one prior to this was inserting cryptic messages … which the guy … if he’s smart enough … will probably figure out … hmmm … this is as cryptic as it can get! And if my memory serves me right … this should be comprehensible to only seven people … you included! ;=)

              so there … ;=)

Got this SMS message from Allan … and it’s so ahhh … appropriate?! ;=) i really don’t put any canned quotes in my blog … but i will make an exception this time … here goes:

… implications of a terrible disease called pride …

     - you always don’t want to be the first to do the step to be with someone

     - you always try to hide your feelings

     - you don’t want others to know that you’re hurt

     - you’re afraid of telling someone he/she is special

     - you’re afraid of losing someone but afraid to show it

     - you’re so aware of what others think that you can’t do what you want

     - you’re not happy

     - in the end, you lose everything without even trying to have it

hmmm … no time to tell the story on why it’s appropriate … and no guts to actually do what it says … well, no guts … yet! ;=) when is a good time though? for me, i am waiting for that time when i can say it without any expectations … without any response required … i was telling Van (and Karen … and Liza … and … hehe) that when i actually admit to someone (okay, a guy) that i like him, i want it to go like this … "now you know … use that information for whatever purpose it will serve you best …" ;=) hehe … true it will be the coldest, most unromantic way of telling someone you like him … but it will be the safest … the one which will hurt the least … and the one fully buffered for possible rejection! … but come to think of it … when that time comes that i am in that state of mind and can actually say those lines … i probably feel less for the guy already anyways … so why bother, right?! ;=) oh well, i guess there’s really no safe, rejection-free way of telling someone you like him … there’s always the risk of being hurt and being rejected in love … and that’s being negative about it … but what if it’s the other way around? … ha! i guess pure joy doesn’t even begin to describe it … ;=)

hmmm … i’m really getting the hang of this … cataloguing my (mis) adventures for the day! ;=) this is a good sign … a lot of adventures (or otherwise) means i have an exciting life! ;=) haha as if! ;=) well … relatively more exciting than when i was there in CV … i don’t mean i am having less fun there (haha … defensive!) … it’s just that the new experiences here is really getting to me! it’s a whole new routine and i’m loving it! ;=) <truth be told, and i did mention this several times to close friends … i was waiting for this trip to break my rather monotonous existence … and i guess it did! haha … one accomplishment checked!>

anywho … what’s so outstanding about this day? it’s my first day at work! didn’t have a cube yet … they put us in an ‘abandoned’ cube … hmmm … "put" was saying it nicely actually … i had to look for my own cube because the (not-so-efficient) admin didn’t even stand up to assist me when i introduced myself — really far cry from CV admins who arrange short of a chauffeur-driven limousine when US guests arrive! that’s Philippine hospitality for you! and well, American … er … independence?! ;=) it’s no biggie actually (i can look for my own cube fine!) but i just can’t seem to shake off the feeling that we go so overboard when we host them … reminiscent of Filipino colonial mentality or just plain superb Filipino hospitality? anyways, i guess no matter what it is … the nice things are the ones that stays and gets remembered and my counterpart remember it so well and he’s still at awe of the treatment we gave him when he visited CV!!! really plus points not just for Intel CV but for us Filipinos as well! (hmmm … i am getting more and more patriotic by the minute! … ;=)

what else was amazing about this day? hmmm … ah yeah, i saw an automatic paper towel dispenser in the restroom! ;=) hehe … there’s a sensor for the hands and the paper towel rolls out! ;=) hehehe amazing! pardon my barbaric fascination but it was not there 4 years ago … and defnitely not in the Philippines yet! ;=)

oh well … there … my day 3 musings and fascinations …

Hmmm … daily blog! Just to dispel rumors that I am not doing anything here in the US … I am busy … very busy … … in fact, it’s 3am here and i just finished working … and well … started writing a blog! It’s first Silicon tomorrow for my product so the PDEs will be coming in by lunchtime … so nothing much going on in the morning … so I can actually take my time and sleep late! J I pretty much slept the whole day … woke up around 2pm after snoozing several times … I blame it on good ‘ol jet lag! J … I planned on coming in to work yesterday but I slept really late partly due to jet lag … partly due to fear that I might die while sleeping … (morbid, I know … blame it on Tin for telling me that story about one of our colleagues … ) … anyways, I finally disengaged myself … with a lot of will power … from my super-comfy bed (queen-size!) … and took a bath (my first after ~36 hours!). We went straight to Intel to meet my new team and to look for our cubes … realized late that I needed to exchange the car in Hertz … we rushed at around 5:50pm to go to Hertz which closes at 6pm … didn’t make it! L … so I think I will have to pay a huge fine for keeping the car for one more day! (I should have the car for 3 months but the stupid charge number didn’t work the first time when I was in the Hertz counter in Sacto airport and I had to get the car for one day while they were fixing the reservation for the long-term rental!) … Anyways, I invited everyone for dinner … (by inviting, I mean asking if people already had plans and that if we want to eat together … no suggestion whatsoever that I will be paying for it!) … there’s one asian fastfood place that I really liked in Chandler before so we googled the place to look for one in the area … there’s one … not in Folsom … but in Roseville which is a good 16miles away! J Manuel agreed that it was a good place … Pei Wei … so we went … 16miles and all just for a Chinese fastfood dinner! J It took us about an hour to find the place … nope, we were not traveling at 0.25mi/hr …J we just got so freakin’ lost … so near yet so far was an understatement! J Well, we did find the place and we did have a good dinner (hmmm … well, I did … I think Arli didn’t like her food! J ) … so I guess persistence and a lot of U-turns pays! J 

It’s 2am here in Folsom and I finally got settled in my new apartment … my home for the next 3 months! It’s funny how everything looked so empty when I came in … and even after I put my stuff in … it still looked empty!J I dare not be too comfortable since I will only be staying for 3 months anyways! I actually just brought a month worth of clothes … (I intended to just shop … er … wash my clothes for the rest of the two months … J). I remember back in 2002 when I was going home already after 3 years in San Jose and needed to start packing my stuff … my apartment looked so homey already that it took some will power to really start putting things down … and I was crying while doing it! J hehe … It’s actually funny how I started becoming not too attached after that … (hmmm … this should be another blog altogether! J ) anyways, I didn’t feel like sleeping yet since I pretty much slept the whole flight (except for the part when I started chatting with a co-intel employee and the topic got really interesting … hmmm … that is another blog as well! hahahaha … I owe a lot of blog entries!). it’s my first time back in the US … after almost 3.5 years … and after 26 hours of total flight/airport layover/queuing up/some bloopers getting on/off the planes … I’m finally here! I was supposed to be in earlier but it took me a good 30 minutes to locate the building apartment! I helped Arn settle down in his apartment also before I went to look for my own … his building was not so hard to locate … it was the actual apartment complex that took us awhile to find since the directions were wrong! … (stupid yahoo maps or mapquest!J) … we actually wondered around for a while until I decided it’s time to buy a local map … we saw Walmart and so we bought a map from there … and that’s when we got the actual apartment location! We didn’t have a decent meal except the late McDonalds lunch in LA during the 4-hr layover (I vowed to myself that I won’t eat any fastfood while I’m here … but it’s my first day … and technically my relo didn’t start yet … and I ate grilled chicken … grilled … not deep fried!!! J hehe excuses!) … so I was really starving when I finally got to the apartment! Good thinking, i bought some (healthy) loaf of bread and peanut butter in Walmart … and that’s my dinner on my first night here!

The apartment was standard … same furnishing as the next Intel-sponsored relo apartment … same sofa bed … same nightstands … the only thing new here was i actually have a ceiling fan … and a round dining table! … didn’t have those in SJ! the walk-in closet was also nice … one of those hidden by a huge mirror kind … i remember the basics i have for my future house … it’s all patterned after these US apartments … down to the broom and laundry closet! hmmm … i just said i don’t want to be too comfortable … but i guess making the most of the apartment won’t be so bad, huh!

Hmmm … I don’t know what these next 3 months have in store for me … I do have a lot of things I want to do and accomplish while I’m here … both professional and personal … I want to learn how to swim … I wanna do yoga … i want to jog and go to the gym everyday … with the overall goal of losing weight! … I want to meet up with old friends … and go back to old familiar favorite places … yeah … too many things … I have to remind myself most times that I’m actually here for work and not for vacation! J … oh well, at the end of it all, i guess if I won’t finish everything I set out to do in these 3 months … I will just be thankful for the chance (haha … my disclaimer!) … I will just be thankful that I was given the opportunity again … and that there will be other ones … it’s funny how I made these 3 months (to some extent) the end-all and be-all of my life in the near-term! I have to pinch myself from time to time not to be too carried away … and I guess this is my reminder … J