random thoughts

It is (somewhat!) common knowledge that i am planning to leave Intel … soon! hmmm … it was in one of my older blogs maybe about a year or so ago … so i guess the plan was not a well kept secret after all! ;=) hehe i am actually very vocal before in saying that i plan to resign (er … retire! — that sounded really old!) … i did muster up the courage to tell my boss about my plans and she actually understood! hmmm … i won’t exactly resign/retire, i am (hopefully!) part of the planned lay offs this coming April! It’s funny because a lot of people are asking me … (well, not just me but it’s pretty much everyone’s favorite topic these past few months!) what my plans are! I can’t count anymore who asked me that question … and i always had a very long answer to that very simple question!  So to end all speculations (hehe) and my repetitively boring answer to the question, i decided to write it down. ;=) hmmm … technically, i am not really writing down my decision … since I don’t exactly have one yet! … I will write down my options … just like the countless times I have scribbled and doodled in my trusty notebook!!! This is me thinking out loud …! — i would have loved to paste my pros and cons table … but i guess that will be too much information!  ;=) so here goes my list …  ;=)

1. work as a full-time mission worker for either Lingkod or Gawad Kalinga (or both) at least for the rest of the year here in the Philippines. (This is after i come back from New Zealand to send off my niece and nephew and for a short vacation). i will do this for 2009 and by 2010, will go back to the ‘usual’ life!

2. get an international local hire post in other Intel sites. this is actually a very tempting offer (if they hire me, that is!). the only drawback to this is that i will go back to my Intel life and i think i am at that point in my life that i want to try something totally different!). 

3. study … get a PhD (one of my life’s dreams) … maybe from an American university … field of study? maybe environmental physics. many reasons why it is a life dream, many reasons why i still prefer US … and many reasons why environmental physics! — won’t really explain here! ;=)

4. also do full-time mission work but in another country — continent! — Europe! ;=) another life dream and if i can volunteer and live in Europe  temporarily for maybe a year or so … that will be the best arrangement! ;=)   

a lot of people are telling me i have a lot of options … well, technically, they’re not really options just yet … more like personal plans … since each of those options are for the most part, wish list … since there are no job offers whatsoever … no schools … no NGO offers yet! ;=) i guess i am very blessed to have the opportunity to choose the next bend in my life … the next path … i think i have lived my life for the longest time doing what’s expected and doing what’s easy and comfortable … i have made my choices based on what is logical for me … not necessarily based on passion … not necessarily based on a deeper need of self-actualization! … I am blessed to have had so many options and the freedom to choose (without major considerations!) – just about the only good thing about being single and being totally unattached!) ;=) …and I am very blessed to have the luxury of time to make my final decision! Discernment is defined as the process of choosing between two (or more) good … choice between good and bad is a no-brainer! … but the choice between several good … and determining which is best … it’s confusing and downright mind-boggling! But I guess I have to go through that … that’s the only way to go … … three more months! ;=)

i just came from the first meeting session for my Strama (Strategic Management) class … Strama is my last subject … and this is (hopefully!) my last term in MBA! (well, i do have one elective this term and technically, i still need to enroll OCE next term but Strama is supposed to be the climax of my MBA life … and it was a long wait … very loooong! Typical part-time MBA students with no business background (whatsoever! — like me!) will take around three years (normal 6-unit load per term) to finish … i started in 2003 and only now am i in my Strama Class! Most of my basic MBA subject classmates have graduated … (most of them got married as well … but that’s a different blog altogether … hmmm … i think that was the subject of my previous blog! ;=) hehehehe)  Anywho … as i was saying, it was a loong journey and i can almost see the end of my 6-year self-induced, pursuit-of-higher-learning struggles! Of course, i have to pass this term to actually graduate … and the first session was a bittersweet taste of the weeks to come! I specifically chose the section i am currently enrolled in because i know i will learn (and suffer! ;=) ) a lot from the professor and tonight’s session was a sampler and it’s making good on my wish of learning (and suffering!).

I have grand plans for this term and this subject actually — i will not cram on my papers … i will read all assigned readings and do additional research as needed … i will be extra hyper at Class recitations … i will get 4.0!!! (hehe … one can dream, right?!)  — hmmm … come to think of it, i did have all those plans every term and every end of the term i have a blog (well, not really every term!) about my cramming ingenuity and my buzzer-beater successes! i think this time it will happen though … i am not very busy anymore (read: updated facebook and friendster and chatting throughout the day!) and i even arranged for work-from-home (WFH) every Monday! ;=) Yeah, this time it will happen … it has to … since i cannot anymore hide under the guise and excuse of being busy! ;=)

Another one of my weird out-of-the-blue realizations … J it struck me today that i am probably part of the remaining 10 or so percent of people in my batch — both grade school and high school – who are not married yet! (hmmm … it’s fairly hard to compute with college batchmates … and i think the percentage will be even less, so let’s just leave it to the pre-college friends!) J hehe hmmm … i don’t know exactly why i thought of it all of a sudden … i didn’t attend our annual high school reunion/get-together this year … and it’s been sometime since i did the ‘let’s-count-who’s-not-married-yet’ exercise!   hmmm … maybe it’s because i just got an invite to another wedding … but that was not even a wedding of one of my school batchmates … maybe because i just dropped off my brother and sister-in-law in the airport today and i saw my 9-year old niece (and 8-year old nephew) saying goodbye to them … my sister-in-law is my school batchmate … and seeing her with a 9-year old daughter was a bittersweet reminder for me that had i been married — at around the ‘normal’ time my batchmates married … hmmm, “normal” since i think it’s still in the cards for me … but the timing just might be a little off … hehe … yup, i’m still very optimistic!) – i would have a daughter — well, maybe a bit younger – like her!:) … or maybe because my own mother asked me when will i (ever) get married! (this is a conversation filler in the 1.5hr commute to the airport!) hehe … nothing like an in-your-face blunt question from your mother to jerk you into mulling over your sad solitary state yet again! :)  (and oh yeah, one of my aunts over the holidays asked me again, for the nth time, whether i have a boyfriend already or not!)

hmmm … this is not exactly the blog i have in mind to welcome the new year … don’t get me wrong … i think compared to my previous blogs on the subject (ahh … there are lots of them here!) … this time i am writing this down very objectively … hehe … i am not whining or anything …  (er … can you sense the non-whiny-very-objective feel to the blog?! hehehehe … i think i have moved to acceptance … having stayed in the depression stage for far too long!) hehehe oh well … again, I’m still optimistic … and I still claim this year as THE year! hehe (hmmm … I say this every year! J hehe seriously, this should be the least of my concerns this year actually … I have more pressing life-altering decisions to make this year … and to be honest, I think marrying someone should be one of the easier decisions I will have to make should the situation come up! (… er, allow me to explain that … J deciding to marry someone you already love or in a relationship with is the easier decision … to decide to love someone you just met is the harder part … of course in my case, even the ‘meeting’ part is hard but let’s not go there! … hehe) … this year is my pivotal year and it’s an open field! hehe it’s not a crossroad with four limited choices … it’s an open field with infinite directions … infinite choices! (well … technically, not infinite but indulge me with the literary exaggeration! :p) … this year will be a very exciting year! I just hope when the time comes that I’m actually in the center of the field … er, april 30, 2009! … that I will know exactly which path to take! … that I will know exactly which direction will lead to the culmination of my mission … my life purpose … that I will know exactly which choice will give me the absolute, unequaled joy I long for! J Hmmm … it’s going to be a tough, but very exciting, four months …  J