random thoughts

Another one of my weird out-of-the-blue realizations … J it struck me today that i am probably part of the remaining 10 or so percent of people in my batch — both grade school and high school – who are not married yet! (hmmm … it’s fairly hard to compute with college batchmates … and i think the percentage will be even less, so let’s just leave it to the pre-college friends!) J hehe hmmm … i don’t know exactly why i thought of it all of a sudden … i didn’t attend our annual high school reunion/get-together this year … and it’s been sometime since i did the ‘let’s-count-who’s-not-married-yet’ exercise!   hmmm … maybe it’s because i just got an invite to another wedding … but that was not even a wedding of one of my school batchmates … maybe because i just dropped off my brother and sister-in-law in the airport today and i saw my 9-year old niece (and 8-year old nephew) saying goodbye to them … my sister-in-law is my school batchmate … and seeing her with a 9-year old daughter was a bittersweet reminder for me that had i been married — at around the ‘normal’ time my batchmates married … hmmm, “normal” since i think it’s still in the cards for me … but the timing just might be a little off … hehe … yup, i’m still very optimistic!) – i would have a daughter — well, maybe a bit younger – like her!:) … or maybe because my own mother asked me when will i (ever) get married! (this is a conversation filler in the 1.5hr commute to the airport!) hehe … nothing like an in-your-face blunt question from your mother to jerk you into mulling over your sad solitary state yet again! :)  (and oh yeah, one of my aunts over the holidays asked me again, for the nth time, whether i have a boyfriend already or not!)

hmmm … this is not exactly the blog i have in mind to welcome the new year … don’t get me wrong … i think compared to my previous blogs on the subject (ahh … there are lots of them here!) … this time i am writing this down very objectively … hehe … i am not whining or anything …  (er … can you sense the non-whiny-very-objective feel to the blog?! hehehehe … i think i have moved to acceptance … having stayed in the depression stage for far too long!) hehehe oh well … again, I’m still optimistic … and I still claim this year as THE year! hehe (hmmm … I say this every year! J hehe seriously, this should be the least of my concerns this year actually … I have more pressing life-altering decisions to make this year … and to be honest, I think marrying someone should be one of the easier decisions I will have to make should the situation come up! (… er, allow me to explain that … J deciding to marry someone you already love or in a relationship with is the easier decision … to decide to love someone you just met is the harder part … of course in my case, even the ‘meeting’ part is hard but let’s not go there! … hehe) … this year is my pivotal year and it’s an open field! hehe it’s not a crossroad with four limited choices … it’s an open field with infinite directions … infinite choices! (well … technically, not infinite but indulge me with the literary exaggeration! :p) … this year will be a very exciting year! I just hope when the time comes that I’m actually in the center of the field … er, april 30, 2009! … that I will know exactly which path to take! … that I will know exactly which direction will lead to the culmination of my mission … my life purpose … that I will know exactly which choice will give me the absolute, unequaled joy I long for! J Hmmm … it’s going to be a tough, but very exciting, four months …  J