random thoughts

hmmm … can’t even remember the last time i blogged … good thing there’s a timestamp on the blogs! ;=) hehe but you get the drift, right? it’s been a long time since i last updated this … been relatively inactive friendster-ing! ;=) and by inactive, i mean … viewing it once a day … or maybe two! ;=)

i’m back in CV and i’m back to my crazy old 7am-4pm-non-stop-meeting schedule … my schedule that having even one full lunch hour is a blessing!  … okay, i’m exaggerating … i do get my lunch hour … but it’s usually hurried and i usually eat in my cube … except maybe for those days that i just feel so lazy and i move meetings around … er … meetings i scheduled (like 1:1s with my engineers! ;=) hehe … i missed my 9-10am start-of-work schedule in FM! i missed sleeping in until 8am! ;=) <well, i compensated for the late morning start … i usually go home late due to CV meetings … haha, justified now? ;=) … being the nocturnal person that i am … i am really a late starter … so coming in at 7am … or 6am on wednesdays … is really a huge huge humongous sacrifice!>

i’m back to my old routines … (well, the days changed a bit …) tuesdays and thursdays: gym or badminton (the gym thing is new as well … ), wednesdays and fridays ALNP activities … monday is a free day for now … until next week when i start my MBA once again! ;=) … Speaking of MBA, it’s my last core subject — finance management!!! — at last, after 4 years … i am finally seeing the last of my core MBA subjects … still a long way to go … 1+ year more … but it’s one term less … and one term nearer to graduation! ;=) it’s also my last chance to meet someone, a.k.a. a relationship potentia! ;=) hehe… people always say that the main reason people go for MBA is to meet someone … well, i beg to be different … this is really through and through my pursuit of higher knowledge and learning … this is purely for personal and career development! ;=) hehehe … that sounded so contrived and well … fake! ;=)

what else happened in the last 2 weeks that i’ve been back? i got sick … i had two of my 3rd molars extracted and then i got infection of sorts … and i got tonsilitis celluritis-whatever …  i was so sick that i can’t even eat … i can only nimble and let the food melt in my mouth … ;=) i think i might have lost 5 lbs in those last 3 days — more pounds lost than 2 weeks sweating it out in the gym! ;=) that was a really good weight loss strategy … not eat … anything! ;=) i would love to stay that that jumpstarted my way into weight loss and ‘better’ body … but sadly, the pounds are creeping back in once i started eating normally again! … maybe i should listen to my friends’ advice, huh? i do have 20+ other teeth … ;=)

still have the tons of stories i mentioned before … hopefully i get to write them down one of these days … and i promise it’ll be about something deeper … with great insights … and paradigm-shifting realizations! ;=) hehe hmmm … i think i have doses of that when i am feeling melancholic about something … not really in that mood right now! ;=) i am happy for some reason … (well, there’s an explanation … but i really won’t tell you!!! ;=) hmmm … maybe when i go for my annual soul-searching trip i get to write down those stories … yeah, maybe … in December! ;=)

it’s not the time of the year yet … i’m not supposed to be sad (and pensive and introspective and dramatic and … hmmm … i’m running out of ’sad’ adjectives!!! … ) yet! that happens only on oct 27 (my birthday!), dec 25 and on sept 23! (many people ask me why sept 23 … what is so significant about it? sept 23 is when i made my life-altering decision of coming to work at Intel! yeah … it is so life-altering that it is included in my special, pensive and introspective days! hehe … well, i really don’t plan on being sad … (that sounds weird, BTW! … since when do people mark their calendars to be sad, right?!)  … i just felt it these past days because of this stupid issue i have at work! … (hmmm … really tempting to explain what the issue was … but i think it’s intel confidential! hehe) …

people always say that work is just a part of life … and i envy them. I wish i can say that work is just a part of my life … like 40% part of it … with the greater 60% dedicated to more meaningful, worthwhile, fulfilling endeavors! i wish i can say that i have so much more going on in my life and that issues at the office remains at the office when i go home by 5pm (or in the case of my schedule here in FM … 8pm!) … i wish i can say that work do not rule my life … that my life does not revolve around work … and that my life takes precedence and importance over anything work-related!  … yeah … i wish! and i want to say it! … but i think it will be sooo hypocritical of me if i do! :(  work has taken over my life so much that at some point, it literally gives me nightmares … (hmmm … not really those kind that wakes you up screaming … but more like you dream about it … hmmm … so basically i’m working 24 hrs!) hehehe) … it was bad enough that my work defines my life … now, my mood is dictated by my work!!!

hmmm … maybe this is my much-needed sign … maybe this is the wake-up call i need to really move my butt and start looking into other options! … it’s also a weird coincidence that this is happening right now … right in the middle of all the other personal confusion non-intel related going on in my life (yeah, what’s left of it anyways) … hmmm … i would be blind and really stupid if i just pass this big one up and just wait until the calm comes back without doing anything … yeah, that would be really stupid and i think that’s what my life has been … waiting for the calm … going with the tide …

yeah … i should do something … okay, i will pray on it! … haven’t really done that in a long time … well, not in the absolute sense of the word!

how time flies … it’s been more than a month since i last updated my blog! i remember being super excited about coming here to the US again … and writing a blog everyday to chronicle and prove that excitement! well, it’s been 2 months since i arrived … and in 3 weeks i am going back to the Philippines again! i want to say that i am really, really excited about going home … (i am?! … i am! … but i just have this weird feeling that it will take a long time before i come back here again! … well, for sure,  it won’t be through Intel since i don’t think i will accept any more Intel projects … it will have to be through my own personal expense! hmmm … for starters, i don’t have a B1/B2 visa … and from the looks of it … unless i get a visa through Intel … it won’t be easy — i fit the profile of someone who can go TNT! hehehehe hmmm … i will have to come here via other means — fiance visa doesn’t sound so bad! hehehehe

anywho … just thought i’d write a short note … i do have tons of stories waiting to be written … hmmm … maybe in 3 weeks i will have time … and inspiration to write them all down … yeah, maybe on my flight back to Manila!

… triticale … laquear … abseil … cyanophycean … zoilus … vituline … serrefine … supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

          hmmm … these words do not really mean anything to me … first time i saw or ever heard of them! i happen to see it on ABC — the SCRIPPS National Spelling Bee and i started watching … the contest was among grade schoolers across America and Canada. it was down to the last 8 kids out of 200+ when i chanced upon it! it’s my first time to see a true-blue serious spelling competition! (haha … the Gov crew cranium nights gnilleps was way way amateurish compared to this — yeah, we cannot even spell Mississippi!!! ;=)

          i remember when i was in Grade 1 (yeah … eons ago! hehe) … i joined a spelling bee contest! i was the winner in my local town school competition so i was sent to the district meet! — i scored zero in the district meet! (well, i was 5 years old … competing with 7-10yr old kids! hehe — excuses! ;=) i remember one word — phosphorous — didn’t know that word back then … and it’s funny that just as i write it now, the auto-speller corrected it … i still missed the second ‘h’! ;=) hahahaha oh well … i cannot imagine what would have happened to me if they used the words above … not all of them are even recognizable by outlook word auto-speller! ;=) (hmmm … on second thought, nothing worse could have happened to me … since i already got the worst possible score — zero! ;=)

          anywho … it’s good that there are contests like this … competition brings out the best in people … and at a very early age, those kids know the value of working hard to excel and win! But those words?! No one uses them in everyday conversation … and for the most part, no normal everyday person will really care if you knew them or not! (hmmm … i take that back … I do have some nerdy friends who will, yeah those who corrects grammar and pronunciation every chance they get -– oh, shoot … that sounded like me when i’m in my grammar-correcting mood! ;=)

          anyways, it’s true that it’s just one of those nice-to-know and those make-you-appear-cool (or nerdy) kind of stuff … and that there’s no application whatsoever in the real world … but i guess, it’s not the words spelled per se … and it’s the same fact for every single (useless!) competition we were made to join when we were younger … it’s the discipline and the pursuit of excellence! … it’s the drive to be the best person one can be … it’s the realization of one’s full potential and all the other psychological morale-boosting benefits it affords someone! it’s not even about winning … just being a part of it is a confidence-booster in itself! yeah … i guess it’s all good! case in point — me! — i scored 0 in a spelling bee 25 years ago and it didn’t destroy my confidence one bit! ;=) hehe <good thing i didn’t try beauty pageants!> hahahaha

my first entry for the week … funny, when i said i wouldn’t keep up the daily blog streak … i meant it! ;=)

one paragraph updates:

i renewed my CA driver’s license today! i went to DMV after i browsed through the driving handbook … took the test … got 3 mistakes (i am allowed 3 mistakes!) out of 18 questions … passed it!  haha — another barely passing score like my actual driving test score back in 1999 of 70% … passing was 70%! Had the examiner asked me to parallel park, i would have failed …  good thing, he only asked me to do diagonal parking! (Yeah, thank God for big parking spaces! ;=) anywho, i really don’t need to renew my license since i will only be here for 3 months … er … it’s a good souvenir! ;=)

another major accomplishment … hmmm … no, i didn’t meet a guy yet! ;=) … my unread emails in my work inbox is down to <200 emails! i am in the 100s! hehe it has always been in the high 600s and about ~60% unread percentage … with unread email backlog to around one week!;=)  nerdy i know … but i’ve been pretty obsessed lately about reading all my emails! well, i have to since they’re work emails … but i just didn’t have the time before! i’ve been shuffling from one meeting to the next that the day pass and all i did were attend meetings! i can do my ‘actual’ work after 4pm … readings emails, i have to do at night … or on weekends! yeah, exciting life huh! here … i have pretty lazy mornings since i really don’t have a lot of morning meetings … (hope it stays that way!) … so i get to read — and respond! to emails!

i’m becoming a reality TV junkie and one of the shows i watch is America’s Biggest Looser! it’s inspiring how each of the contestants lost all those lbs! hmmm … they don’t really have their normal life routines and all they do in that ranch was exercise … i wouldn’t be surprised why they lose that much in a week … but that’s not the point! their perseverance and determination was really inspiring! and the transformation — amazing! well, i really don’t need to lose 100lbs — that’s pretty much 85% me already … i only need to lose 30lbs! … so compared to their 100s … mine is easy! hmmm … yeah right! ;=)

i had several interesting conversation with old friends and former colleagues over the last few days … interesting how they took charge and directed the course of their life! i felt so incompetent and direction-less compared to them! and i used to pride myself of being introspective, reflective, purposeful … those words took on a different meaning with them! they knew what they wanted … and they have a grand plan … and they went for it! nice! … me, i am living my life one year at a time … no big plans really … which basically puts me in my good old dilemma again about living for the present and not be anxious about the future … vs. planning the future and not living so much at the present … i still have to process these thoughts thoroughly … but i think there’s really no conflict … i guess it’s in one’s attitude … planning for the future is not necessarily synonymous to being anxious! yeah … that’s it! hmmm … i have to make that life plan! ;=)

that’s it for now … it’s almost midnight … have to sleep now as i still have to wake up early … and drag myself to the gym! ;=) … 30lbs! ;=)

haay … i started writing a blog about the merits of being in a relationship and about how it’s a blessing and how only few ‘blessed and lucky’ people experience real love in their lifetime … yeah … i was starting to write and i decided to erase the whole thing! ;=) who am i really to talk about the merits of a committed relationship … having been in only one so far … and a short one at that! ;=) yeah … not my turf! (so let’s talk about the israeli-lebanon war! ;=) hehe

i was into the topic after catching the season finale of grey’s! … actually, i only got to watch the last 30mins of the 2-hr season finale episode! … (i needed to go to meetings … and was resigned already that i will miss the whole thing … good thing we wrapped up early! ;=) (with a lot of effort from me to get the bottomline across, move on … and adjourn it! ;=) hehe) … anyways … i got to the dramatic last few scenes … and witty last few lines … i haven’t watched the last two or so episodes so i don’t really know what happened up until that point … but i don’t really care — last 30mins was good enough for me! … and the last few lines i saw was enough to affect me! ;=) … hehe really long explanation as to why i was feeling rather sad … pensive … wistful … of my romantic state … and well, romance/relationships in general! ;=) oh well … i used to indulge in my sadness, i.e. i go through it with perfect clarity that i am choosing to be sad … (hehe … told you i was weird … though Dr. Daniel Goleman will call it someone with high emotional intelligence!) … but i think this is not really a good time to do that! ;=) yeah … i’m not about to play vonda shephard’s version of ‘alone again naturally’ …  hmmm … maybe tomorrow! ;=)

hmmm … my life is settling to a routine pace again … i set the alarm to 7am … snooze until 8am …finally wake up by 830am … in the office by 9am! (hmmm … we go to work by 8am! ;=) — there’s something inherently wrong with my schedule! ;=) hehe … well, working on it! ;=) — i don’t have a lot of morning meetings anymore … i have a lot of night meetings! my day officially ends by 7pm … and i have to attend night meetings around 10pm which usually lasts until 12mn — not a very nice schedule especially if i need to go somewhere at night! i planned on attending yoga lessons while i am here … and my counterpart here invited me to a salsa class! i also hooked up with old SFC friends and they invited me to some SFC activities which typically happens on a weeknight as well! haay … i used to talk about not having a life … i think my Cavite life was even better than this! … the only good thing that’s working out was this fits nicely to my internal body clock — i am so not a morning person (though i want to be … but some things are just not meant to be! … hmmm … i am talking about body clocks, not something else! ;=) hehe and it is a struggle to wake up at 545am everyday! … which i have to do every single weekday in Cavite! — yeah … this may be the only good thing out of this! ;=)

what else was exciting about this week? oh … i met up with an old israeli colleague who’s here on a business trip! really nice timing and i didn’t know he will be in town when i chatted with him on IM last week … as it turns out he will be here for three days and was arriving the next week — this week! so that really worked out! i invited him out for dinner (yeah … i am really getting good at inviting guys — NOT! ;=) … we had a really good … er nerdy … time! well, we were in a nice bar/resto serving their own brewed beer … and i had a nice pasta meal … and we were talking about converged core … and the lebanon war and how his unit in the army during the war was in the israeli-lebanon border shooting missiles … we talked about the conflict in gaza strip! ;=) see really fun, educational dinner! ;=) i even went home with a table napkin with a drawing of the israel map, its territories and its neighboring Arab countries! ;=) hehe well … we did talk about those … but there were a lot other more persnal topics we talked about as well! ;=) it was good catching up after three years! ;=)

… and not only him … this coming weekend, am meeting up with an old DLSU/Intel friend … i don’t know how to describe Bong … because technically he’s more than that … he’s such a huge influence in my life even until now … so to put him categorically as DLSU/Intel friend is understating our half-a-lifetime friendship! (yeah, met him when i was 15 yrs old — when i was a college freshman!) he’s in town visiting his mom … good timing as well! ;=) and last but definitely not the least … am meeting my old (one of the best i ever had!) boss from Penang from my SJ days in the Bay Area on Sunday … he’s also here in Cali for a business trip! haay … if at all … if i won’t have a chance to really lose the weight i want to lose … and if i won’t have a chance to do all the activities i lined up to do … i will remember this trip as a trip that i went back in time and touched base with old, dear friends! … yeah … that’s good enough for me! (haha! i accomplished so much already on my first week! … i think i set my expectations too low! ;=) hehe hmmm, well … am not giving up yet on losing weight … well, not yet! ;=)

Hmmm … i figured out today why i am ‘compelled’ to write all these blogs. Yup, suddenly i was a blog addict, well … only for last week anyways  … which i am not! I figured, i wanted my friends in the Philippines (well, it’s not really a private blog … so, i guess that includes everyone else who had internet access!) to know what’s going on with me (hmmm … not that they care, right? ;=) … and i wanted to document my stay here in FM and what better way to do that than do an online journal! … and i was used to doing the same things in the Philippines … and i pretty much spend it with very few the same people everyday (like Van and the rest of the Gov crew … ;=) … so there’s really no point recounting what happened since they were there with me when it happened! For the longest time, i only write blogs when there’s a sudden inspiration … which seldom happens … thus the sporadic, once-a-month blogs! ;=) Well, this time (i am always inspired … NOT! ;=) … i am alone and enjoying things pretty much by myself … so i took it upon myself to update everyone! ;=) hehe (hmmm … actually, this is my outlet … i am a talkative loner (oxymoron!) … so since there’s really no one to talk to … and i dare not do a 2-way conversation with myself yet … this is my release! ;=) anyways … those are the reasons for the daily blogs (haha … i had to explain myself!) … and again … it will wear out … give it a week … don’t worry! ;=) hehe

anywho, short update on my weekend: i attended my friend’s (okay, her name is Krizel ;=) ) bridal shower yesterday in San Jose … it was a real blessing to actually be here for her wedding (and, well … the bridal shower!) … been planning since last year how i can be here for her wedding with the least amount of cost — i got my answered prayer –  i got to go for free! (yeah … i can be spoiled by God from time to time! ;=)  … well, except for the gas money for the 166mi trip from Folsom to San Jose and back … and well, except for the money for my gift … ) everything else worked out for free! ;=) the bridal shower was really fun! i was able to meet up with old SFC friends and then met some new friends as well … the food was good! the (writing) wedding games were really interesting … though i didn’t win any prize … (ahhh … i had a 4-year friendship gap with Krizel … it was a sporadic-email-based friendship so there was really not much i know about her and her fiance for those last 4 years! ;=) … we did some videoke with some really sad and pitiful songs! … the party lasted til 2am! … it was some bridal shower! ;=)    

(me, yvette, kristine, krizel - the bride! -, leslie lyle, shar, leslie)

the weekend was a real trip down memory lane for me … well, it was not as bad as back in 2003 when i even went to my old apartment … and not just the apartment complex … but my actual apartment unit! … (ahhh … back then, i even went the same route i used when i was living there!) … i didn’t do that this time … not because i didn’t want to but because i didn’t really have time … it will be a 2-hr trip back and it was already getting late! the only extra time i had … i went to Our Lady of Peace shrine …  and i drove by Mission College Blvd where Intel headquarters is located … and i did went to Union Landing to buy Krispy Kreme! … (i wanted to buy chicken joy from Jollibee in Union Landing … but i am not really craving for Jollibee yet … being that it’s not even a week since i left Philippines! ;=) hmmm … it was a weird feeling (ahh … i am weird! ;=) … i was so touched being back there! … i think i even cried a tear or two! ;=) hehe

oh well … really interesting weekend! ;=) more to come …